Brooklyn Nets
Barber Denounces Status as God; Sends Lance to Denver
Jul 1, 2015 21:17:18 GMT
Ian Noble, Alex English, and 2 more like this
Post by Andrei Kirilenko on Jul 1, 2015 21:17:18 GMT
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA
GM Josh Barber of the Brooklyn Nets held a press conference earlier today; the mood was very somber as GM Barber emerged from the locker room teary-eyed and quiet. With a mumbled voice and quivering lips, Barber announced to the media that the Brooklyn Nets have agreed in principle on a deal that would send Barber's favorite son, Lance Stephenson, to the Denver Nuggets in exchange for big man Marreese Speights.
"Lance and I had an extended meditation session today after our twin-tub mud-bath in the honeymoon suite of the Venetian. Upon awakening from our trance, we had a brief moment where we locked eyes and the world revealed itself to us. We both immediately starting crying, as we knew what had to be done."
Stephenson, who left Las Vegas earlier today on a flight to Denver, told reporters that an angel guided him to his decision to leave the Nets.
"I don't want to get too much into it," Lance noted, "but basically the angel told me that Barber is not actually god and that I was not his son. From that point on, it was a no brainer."
Barber, who has recently been quoted by execs around the league as being "God" and "The One True King", informed reporters that he had the same vision as Stephenson.
"It can be disappointing to learn you are not in fact a divine ruler of all men," Barber stated, "but I knew that the knowledge was bestowed upon me for a reason, and that Lance could no longer guide my people to victory."
Marreese Speights joins an empty front court in Brooklyn. He becomes the only big man on the roster, and his arrival in Brooklyn marks the start of what promises to be an exciting offseason for the team. He is still navigating his way from the end of the Nuggets bench and could not be reached for comment at this time.
GM Josh Barber of the Brooklyn Nets held a press conference earlier today; the mood was very somber as GM Barber emerged from the locker room teary-eyed and quiet. With a mumbled voice and quivering lips, Barber announced to the media that the Brooklyn Nets have agreed in principle on a deal that would send Barber's favorite son, Lance Stephenson, to the Denver Nuggets in exchange for big man Marreese Speights.
"Lance and I had an extended meditation session today after our twin-tub mud-bath in the honeymoon suite of the Venetian. Upon awakening from our trance, we had a brief moment where we locked eyes and the world revealed itself to us. We both immediately starting crying, as we knew what had to be done."
Stephenson, who left Las Vegas earlier today on a flight to Denver, told reporters that an angel guided him to his decision to leave the Nets.
"I don't want to get too much into it," Lance noted, "but basically the angel told me that Barber is not actually god and that I was not his son. From that point on, it was a no brainer."
Barber, who has recently been quoted by execs around the league as being "God" and "The One True King", informed reporters that he had the same vision as Stephenson.
"It can be disappointing to learn you are not in fact a divine ruler of all men," Barber stated, "but I knew that the knowledge was bestowed upon me for a reason, and that Lance could no longer guide my people to victory."
Marreese Speights joins an empty front court in Brooklyn. He becomes the only big man on the roster, and his arrival in Brooklyn marks the start of what promises to be an exciting offseason for the team. He is still navigating his way from the end of the Nuggets bench and could not be reached for comment at this time.
