1. Jabari Parker - Charlotte - Because fuck Ian
2. Dante Exum - Houston - Because fuck Ian
3. Andrew Wiggins - Boston - Ian don't give a fuck now
4. Noah Vonleh - Boston - Ian gets the non African Embiid here.
5. Nik Stauskas - Houston - Charles Barkley is actually a reverse racist.
6. Jusuf Nurkic - Memphis - Eat a dick everyone else who was over valuing his PER
7. Aaron Gordon - Denver - Because fuck actually improving my team for a title chase!
8. Joel Embiid - Utah - Josh Barber likes young tall men.
9. Doug McDermott - Atlanta - Is the guy who instigated the Marcus Smart incident at Texas Tech.
10. Marcus Smart - New York - Because nothing makes a super competitive guy happier than a somehow shittier team than the others 9 spots above him.
11. Doug McDermott - Atlanta - Hates Marcus Smart so much he picks the same guy twice to fuck with Marcus.
12. Deonte Burton - Phoenix - Think's he's smarter than the average bear
13. Tyler Ennis - Philadelphia - Is actually finding the best point guard in the draft.
14. Jabari Parker - Charlotte - Because fuck Ian x2 just because. (I wouldn't approve none of this guys trades personally)
15. Zach Lavine -Milwaukee- Because eat shit Jeremiah, I don't care even if your advice is perfect I won't listen to you.